Constructive Criticism,

Introduction

One thing that makes couples feel distant is criticism.

One person, or maybe both,

seems to be always pick, pick picking!

finding fault

That could also apply

to almost any other relationship.

On the other hand, is criticism always a curse,

or could it sometimes be a blessing?

Is there no such thing

as constructive criticism?

Did you ever try to offer some constructive criticism,

but the other person

didn't take it exactly the way you meant it?

Instead of appreciating your criticism,

or at least your effort and good will,

they took it negatively and became defensive.

1. Our criticism ought to begin with ourselves.

· Mt. 7:1-5 - Jesus says to begin by correcting ourselves.

7:1 ”Do not judge lest you be judged.

2 “For in the way you judge, you will be judged;

and by your standard of measure, it will be measured to you.

3 “And why do you look at the speck that is in your brother’s eye,

but do not notice the log that is in your own eye?

4 “Or how can you say to your brother,

‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’

and behold, the log is in your own eye?

5 “You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye,

and then you will see clearly

to take the speck out of your brother’s eye.

· Just imagine the comedy in seeing someone with a literal log

proceeding from their eye

trying to help someone else with a speck in their eye.

One time I had a speck of sawdust in my eye.

I had been working with a radial-arm saw

building some workbenches.

My eye had an allergic reaction

and the white of my eyeball to swelled up

I was alarmed, to say the least.

and I was grateful to have Betty

to help me find it

and try to get it out.

2. Is it always wrong to say something critical?

Thumper in the movie, Bambi

"If you can't say something nice,

don't say anything at all."

Is that always the best advice?

Have you ever been with someone in a car

when they didn't see some danger.

Do you stay silent

for fear of being critical of their driving?

You'll probably say, "Look out!"

· Are you helping or harming them if you speak out?

We all need help seeing our blind spots.

· Of course, Bambi doesn't have the same authority

as the Bible.

Pr. 27:6 "Faithful are the wounds of a friend.

But deceitful are the kisses of an enemy."

· When a doctor operates on someone,

it results in a wound.

· Those who have open-heart surgery

will have a scar up their chest

that will be there the rest of their lives.

· Wouldn't that be a faithful wound?

· What if a doctor was afraid of wounding someone

and never told them of their need

to have the surgery done?

· A true friend will tell us something we need

even it it hurts at the time,

That's a faithful wound.

Lk. 17:3 - "If your brother sins against you, rebuke him."

II Tim. 4:2 - Paul says to "reprove, rebuke, & exhort."

Rom. 15:14. Paul commended them for being able to admonish

14 And concerning you, my brethren,

I myself also am convinced

that you yourselves are full of goodness,

filled with all knowledge,

and able also to admonish one another.

DEFINING TERMS "admonish"

1. To reprove mildly or kindly

but seriously.

2. To counsel against something; to caution.

]3. To point out something forgotten or disregarded,

by means of a warning, reproof, or exhortation.

SYNONYMS FOR ADMONISH:

Adverse criticism intended to correct.

Admonish stresses advising or warning

so that a fault may be made right

or a danger avoided.

Reprove usually implies gentle criticism

and constructive intent.

Rebuke refers to sharp,

usually angry, criticism,

as does reprimand,

which often also implies

an official or otherwise formal act.